More (Polaroid) Songs by Tom Lehrer

As promised in Monday’s post, here’s another Tom Lehrer song. This one (or rather two, because there are once again long and short versions) was written for the 1977 Summer sales meeting, and it’s pretty self-explanatory, at least if you’re old enough to recognize the TV-show titles. The only cultural references that many will find unfamiliar are to Doyle Dane Bernbach, which was Polaroid’s ad agency, and to the Handle, which was a Kodak instant camera that competed (poorly) with Polaroid’s. If you don’t know the tune, prep your ears with the second half of this video.

____________

POLAROID SPOT PLACEMENT SONG    
(version if encore is preferred)

words by Tom Lehrer
music: “If You Want a Receipt”  from Patience  (Gilbert and Sullivan)

This autumn whenever you turn on the telly,
You’re going to see one of our cameras displayed.
If you watch the World Series or just Fonzarelli,
The Jeffersons or the Thanksgiving Parade.

We’ll give you the message and very distinc’ly
On Cronkite and Reasoner, Chanc’llor and Brinkley,
Bob Newhart, the Waltons, and movies on Sunday,
And Saturday, Friday, and Wednesday, and Monday.
On soccer and baseball and football as well,
Although it means shutting up Howard Cosell…… oh!

Barnaby Jones, Nancy Drew, Tony Randall,
Our OneStep is somewhere on ev’ryone’s set.
You’ll hear how the Handle just can’t hold a candle
On Kojak, Baretta, and Carol Burnett.

Good Morning America, Kotter, and Rhoda,
A Foxx named Redd, and a Fish named Vigoda,
On Starsky and Hutch we’ll be making our pitch,
60 Minutes, Today, Charlie’s Angels, and Switch,
Not to mention Doug Henning’s new magical show,
And Alice and Maude and Hawaii 5-0……  oh!

This is the way we are planning to earn back
The fortune we’re paying to Doyle Dane and Bernbach,
So whether it’s Garner, Sirola, or Knotts,*
You can’t get away from Polaroid spots!
ENCORE:
Laverne and her Shirley, Marie and her Donny ,
And Snyder (that’s Tom), and Carson (that’s Johnny),
And MASH, Barney Miller, Lou Grant, Betty White,
And LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!
All in the Fam’ly, in fact ev’rything
From Bionic Woman to Christmas with Bing…..  Oh!

This is the way we are planning to earn back,  etc……………

_______________

POLAROID SPOT PLACEMENT SONG  
(version without encore)

words by Tom Lehrer
tune: “If You Want a Receipt”  from Patience
(Gilbert and Sullivan)

This autumn whenever you turn on the telly,
You’re going to see one of our cameras displayed.
If you watch the World Series or just Fonzarelli,
The Jeffersons or the Thanksgiving Parade.

On Barnaby Jones, Nancy Drew, Tony Randall,
Our OneStep is somewhere on ev’ryone’s set.
You’ll hear how the Handle just can’t hold a candle
On Kojak, Baretta, and Carol Burnett.

We’ll give you the message, and very distinc’ly
On Cronkite and Reasoner, Chanc’llor and Brinkley,
Bob Newhart, the Waltons, and movies on Sunday,
And Saturday, Friday, and Wednesday, and Monday,
Today and Doug Henning’s new magical show,
And Alice and Maude and Hawaii 5-0……..Oh!

Good Morning America, Kotter, and Rhoda,
And MASH, Barney Miller, Lou Grant, Betty White,
A Foxx named Redd and a Fish named Vigoda,
And LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!

Laverne and her Shirley, Marie and her Donny,
And Snyder (that’s Tom), and Carson (that’s Johnny),
All in the Fam’ly, in fact ev’rything
From Starsky and Hutch to Christmas with Bing,
Soccer and baseball and football as well,
Although it means shutting up Howard Cosell……..Oh!

This is the way we are planning to earn back
The fortune we’re paying to Doyle, Dane and Bernbach,
So whether it’s Garner, Sirola, or Knotts, *
You can’t get away from Polaroid spots!

*  James Garner, Joe Sirola, and Don Knotts were the Polaroid spokesmen in the spots.